duality

it's the first time thing. the first impression, the early stages of the chase. you dress nice you speak nice, you're careful with your words, you're pleasant. and yeah, sure, these things are pretty and all. they'd make you smile and muse and feel happy and stuff. it's out of your control. it's natural, it's human. you wanna feel impressive, it makes you feel good. who doesn't?

but then there's also the dark side. and the dark side comes when you've been brought to that point so high above - full of expectation, hope, you're in awe at that moment, maybe you're no longer yours. the dark side hits you when it's most inconvenient, or when it's sure to make things the ugliest they could possibly be.
the dark side is nothing but, part of the reality, the whole complete truth, the other side of the coin. at that point you're just a fool. but it's okay, because it's normal, it happens, it's always like this. it's natural.. it's human.

but.

if i had it my way, i'd be ugly first. bare. true. real.
and then we leave it to your insight to see things, if there's something pretty beneath it all. if you really think you can find that peace.

and even if you said you did, i'd doubt you. over and over again. i'd doubt you.

because i know.
believe me, i know.

i don't believe in happily ever after as much as i believe in reality, and i'm addicted to it.

because i want to be.

it chose me.