abuse

jan-feb turned out to be a whole lot more hectic than i ever imagined it to be. after the short holiday i had back home. i thought i'd meet up friends but i guess it was a bit tough with everyone being busy/unavailable not forgetting the congestion.. god it was bad. i'm never going home for cny again.. also because all my favourite food stalls are closed that time of the year.. and now i realise it's also too close to exams.

yep so i came back started O&G ended up recruiting yet another teacher who hates the shit outta me. god knows what i did to deserve that. so far this year i've been bullied to the point of physical abuse by a teacher.. but that i could deal with. this one doesn't involve so much of physical abuse as it does mental abuse. i can take it when a teacher brings out his worse side yet you know he sorta sincerely wants you to do well.. but here i experience something else, a teacher with so much ego i feel like slapping his face.. with nothing nice to say but demeaning derogatory statements aimed at you especially publicly with the intention to make you feel truly demoralised. on top of that the Extra work. being handpicked out of the entire crowd to do his rubbish shit for him.

seriously he must be a gay with a bad childhood or something.

this is probably a hifilthghly inappropriate post.. but i dont think anyone reads this much so its alright.

blah

life is designed to shit on you!

trampoline

"My heart is on a trampoline, trying to reach the bar and get a grip. But its never going to. And as long as it keeps the bounce going, my feelings for you will never get static. Only ecstatic."

new

It's 2011.

I noticed that everytime I return to this blog when I decide to write a new post I always take a look at the latest one and then make a reference to it in the new post. Briefly mention the things that happened in between, or if nothing much has changed, etc.

I noticed that in the previous post I had written, that December is the most beautiful month.

But truth be told, things took quite an awful turn just a week after that post, my life became hell for a while. But you know, for everything nasty that happens in life there's always a reason behind it. Because you're supposed to gain some insight about things in life.

Insight. I have actually been neglecting a lot of things that are real in life, or at least the things I used to find important enough to pay attention to previously, which I had sorta gotten too lazy to bother about.

Yes. I am stronger :) Wiser, rather. I feel a whole lot better about myself, after being made to feel quite bad about myself.

Really, you are not the king of my life so why should your words mean anything to me :)

Now I know, it's not going to be easy to bring me down ever again!!

Cheers! Happy New Year. Hopefully I find the discipline to keep this up although I know no one is reading anymore..

fact

december is the most beautiful month! :)

sleep

healthy routine feels like part of the old life afterall. somehow i didn't manage to keep it up as a routine but that's because something came in way way - my newfound abnormal sleep patterns.

after about 10 hours of wards and lectures throughout the day it would be only natural to come home dead tired desiring nothing other than to just collapse onto the bed and drift away to dreamland. however, in my case that doesn't happen - not sure why, but after all that stress i just feel quite excited/happy because it's finally the better part of the day. that makes me sorta hyper-happy and even when not externally manifested my mind and subconscious mind are somewhat too excited to take a break and nap for a bit.

which makes it kinda inconvenient because i know i'm drained as hell, and if i had to look at another one word or think of even one more disease i would throw up. and really a nap would do me good. so at that point, i can't be productive, i can't sleep, exercise was a very good idea previously but you know i got lazy and stuff.

i end up just wasting time really (not entirely a nasty thing because the feeling of doing nothing is quite amazing) and when i finally decide to be serious about work and start my reading i fall asleep quite instantly.

because of this i have had the most annoying pattern of wanting to finally take a nap, at about 10pm or 10.30pm. which is quite pointless. because i would sleep for about an hour and when i finally wake up i'd just be too slow or lazy to get anything done. and then an early night. annoyingly unproductive and useless.

best part is, despite all that sleep in the night i would still wake up late, rush to class and feel sleepy throughout.

it's possible that we may be looking at a bigger problem here, vitamin deficiency perhaps? but let's not go to that area right now, because i have a vitamin story as well, expressing it would just make me sound like an annoying complainer!

discipline

sometimes starting a healthy routine is not too difficult, maybe initially a little push may be required and then things get going.. but the problem i frequently face is how things just seem to die out so easily, so quickly.

for about a week or maybe less i had started quite a refreshing routine of going to the gym in the evenings, for a 25 min session of cardio followed by 30 mins of what i call quick yoga. and then a nice 15 minutes of sauna to detoxify and improve my circulation. the purpose being nothing so much about losing weight (a common motivation factor for many others) but more to keep fit, to have that extra activity that kept me alive and kickin.

but it all died down within less than a week.

and instead of spending today evening trying to get back at it, i find myself sitting here like a useless bum wondering what happened to the good lifestyle.

nevertheless, my current one isn't so much worse. just a little more gluttony-oriented.

but happiness is the key, the most important key. and as long as you're calm and content with whatever you do, you go girl!