certainty

certainty scares the shit out of me. and maybe that's the reason i've just never stayed on long enough to know the outcome of things - because i never really want to know. because i don't like that feeling or idea of dealing with revelation or acceptance. or maybe there's an associated hidden/unacknowledged fear with the idea of settling. just like that.

just like that.

how could you just settle and be content? would you even be able to? would you be happy? will it even be enough? and when it crumbles, because pessimism tells me it will, then what? and how would you deal with the what if..? what if things had turned out differently?

i like floating in mid-air, drifting on my own, without a routine (at least the feeling of having none) without being grounded to anything. and i hope i will always manage to keep it that way. because in some twisted way, that's my sense of security. being uncertain. about everything.

there's a little peace in it.

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.”
- Van Gogh