buses

i had an experience i would like to share.

just a few days ago i was on this bus, and i was sitting at the front, there was a pole in front of me and the stairs (to get on/off the bus) just in front of it.
and then for some reason, i don't know, maybe the driver was too sleepy to work his honk or stick his arm out of the window to signal, another bus came in the way i think. and with the most abrupt slam on the brakes, i literally flew off my seat, and slammed into the pole that was right in front of me. with that i injured my hip and elbow (now bruised badly). and if the pole wasn't there i would have just fell right on the stairs and maybe rolled out of the bus onto the muddy wet pee and spit stained ground outside.

one of the most incredible thing about incredible india is the typical bus ride. in a typical bus of course.
a typical indian bus would be something like a enormous tin-can on wheels with an engine in front, and no shock absorbers.
the seats are cushioned but feel like wooden benches in a kindergarten of any village here. they're extremely uncomfortable, and somehow it's rare to get a chance to even sit on any of these seats (most of the time you stand if you're lucky to fit into the bus), and when you do get a chance to sit down, even though the seat accommodates at most 2 people you might have to be prepared to squeeze in with more, maybe an obese lady and 2 children like i did once, and i was considered lucky because 2 children better than another 2 obese ladies, right?


the buses are also not weather-poof whatsoever - no air-conditioning, sometimes even with holes in the ceiling so that water can freely drip through especially during the monsoon season when it rains like crazy. and not all of them have windows, some are made without windows - like a safari tram. so even when it rains you just get soaked like nobody's business.

the system here is unlike any other country in the world, i bet. first of all, no road rules really. you do whatever you want, depending on skill and guts. you could go the opposite direction on a one-way road or even anti-clockwise on a clockwise direction roundabout. animals are allowed on the streets (bull carts, horsecarts, elephants, cows, modified 3-wheelers, goats, buffaloes, beggars) most roads in some areas of the country don't have as many traffic lights as they should (i observed this in a part of india where, wherever a traffic light was necessary they just dumped a roundabout there) 3 huge vehicles are allowed to travel in a row so that they block the rest of the smaller vehicles and you can over-take either side, right or left (depending on what suits your mood)

the most important feature that ALL vehicles (except imported cars) lack is the side-view mirrors. it's like they don't see the point of it, so they decided to save money and not fix those on the vehicles. i came up with another theory, which is that IF they did have the side-mirrors, it'd just get knocked off by other passing vehicles because of the close proximity between any two vehicles (the usual scenario anyway) so they decided to build them without the mirrors.
also rear-view mirrors are rare. and those vehicles that actually do have rear view mirrors are the auto-rickshaws. but the irony is, most of the time they can't even see the road behind through that mirror anyway (usually blocked by passenger(s) sitting behind since the vehicle is pretty tiny) so my theory again, is that the drivers use it to get a good view of the lady passengers' bosoms - and this is something i've observed.

the fundamentals to the whole system is made up of two main components:
- hand signals (of driver and conductor) and facial expression
- "horn please ok"

bus drivers are all skilled in the sense that they use their auditory power to compensate for the lack of side-view and rear-view mirrors. because of the "horn okay please" system.
i'm sure my knowledge is shallow regarding this, but i think there probably is a honking-system, whereby a honk is interpreted by it's type, duration, frequency and amplitude.
some make a musical sound with it, some honk continuously for a minute at least (usually accompanied with by a glare), some types of honking probably send signals to the cows, bulls and stray dogs (common obstacles to traffic flow) to get out of the way. some are repeat honks, 2 or 3 times, usually more, in a particular pattern. maybe there's a morse code system of honking.
so with interpretation of the honking sound you'd get the clue if it's
- get out of the way now
- don't get in the way, i'm passing
- dude, i'm gona overtake you now (left)
- dude, i'm gona overtake you now (right)
- get out of the way cow/bull/dog/elephant/chicken/beggar
- my bus is nicer than yours
- you retard!
- i don't have a reason to honk, i'm just happy
- i'm furious!
- i like to make noise and annoy all foreign people!!
- wooo look at that lady's ass!! mind blasstingg!! fanTAAStic!
- yawn, need to stay awake
- i need to pee, i need to pee

good for them. but if you're sitting in front (and usually you wanna do this because sitting at the back you get the worst impact of the bumps your coccyx has a high risk of getting broken) it's not so much of a benefit since you could get a migraine from all that loud noise that just goes on throughout the entire journey, you definitely won't get to sleep (during long rides) and you have a very high chance of losing your hearing if this goes on for a long time. i absolutely hate it.

sitting in the bus is not pleasant, and it's not only because of how uncomfortable the bus is, but also because of the people. the way this country is overpopulated is no joke. and it's not just the number of people. it's also the smell, the way they stick to you with their grimy skin when it's crowded (the usual scenario), how they all look greasy (it's no surprise if they never shower since they smell like it too) and they way they stare so much just because you're not one of them. maybe it's the way your hair looks clean or neat or the fact that you're wearing clean clothes. and manners? nada!
just yesterday i was on a bus and this lady stepped up into the bus with a wet umbrella, and while trying to get into her seat behind me she put her wet umbrella on my head!
just looking out of a window on a bus ride you'd see a good number of men pissing at the side of the roads, and you can sometimes even see people doing no 2 on open fields. dropping a little, then moving ahead a few steps, squatting and dropping more. and no cleaning themselves after. and most of them spit, everywhere. it's the most disgusting habit.
incredible india, incredible view of the incredible people and their incredible habits!

the next most annoying thing is the roads, and the way they are built. especially during the monsoon season, the roads just get damaged so easily (and i'm talking bout the roads that are tarred) and there'd be so many potholes in the road that your journey would just be extremely annoyingly bumpy (and with no shock absorbers and uncomfortable hard seats this makes it worse) and the drivers somehow enjoy them i think, they don't even try to avoid the potholes, rather they speed over all of them. potholes and bumps - like a signal for them to speed up since they enjoy the dynamic motion.
well you see, the only time they bother repairing the existing potholes is when there's going to be an election or a famous person visiting from another country. they'd just fill up the potholes with sand, yes, sand. and cover up with one layer of tar. so by the next monsoon season, the roads get ruined again, and they wait til summer to get it fixed. i believe that isn't the correct method of tarring a road but it works well here, in the cheap land of cheap tricks, slipshod jobs like all others that they do, just for the sake of completion.
it is for this reason that a trip of 50kms takes about 1.5-2 hours. the most miserable bus ride of your life.


alright, i think i've spoken enough on buses :)